This blog post is about to get real!!!! Hang in there with me. ?
A little while back as I was getting out of the tub and I glance over at the mirror?- I noticed my body has changed and things aren’t quite the way they were at one time. As I take a second look, I am disgusted somewhat. I wonder to myself, “how in the world does Shawn Turner find this attractive???” And then in the next moment, I thank God for making clothes, and that it is considered unacceptable to walk around like Adam and Eve. No matter how hard I had worked to eat right and exercise a little, there were still physical features that I found disgusting.
To confirm this disgustingness, my 6 year old daughter was in the bathroom with me as I bathed. As I was finishing and getting out of the tub, I bent over to take the drain out and she proceeds to say, “Mama!! Why do your #@&*(‘s look like?? And your belly is giggly!” Yep!!!! I am officially disgusting!!!!!! Weight issues and being ridiculed wasn’t new to me as I had a very close relative call me chubby as a young girl. What we hear constantly is what we tend to believe…
I have tried to maintain a semi-healthy lifestyle since the birth of my first daughter. After becoming very sick while I was pregnant with her- developing preeclampsia, HELLP syndrome, and going blind- I realized that I had to take better care of myself to be able to take better care of her. Before becoming pregnant, and while I was pregnant- for that matter- I rarely drank water, ate Debbie cakes like they were going out of style, and hardly ever ate a salad or veggies.
As soon as we made it home out of the NICU, nutrition and health for myself was not on the top of my priority list. Nutrition and health for a tiny baby was my main concern. I skipped meals or ate the whole house in between pumping milk for my miracle girl. (Hence pumping milk for both girls lead to the disgustingness that was noticed and above mentioned by that little 6 year old!! )?
About 4 months after her birth things weren’t as hectic, and I started to focus on my health to be a better mother. I entered the biggest loser contest at work, started jogging, and joined Weight Watchers. I lost 49 pounds and felt the best I had ever point at that in my life.
Move along 4 years, I was able to maintain a healthy weight along with on again/ off again jogging, and then here comes baby number 2. I was much more conscientious about my food choices, and I drank nothing but water. It wasn’t about me, it was about growing a healthy baby and having a safe and healthy delivery.
Having 2 small girls at home made it VERY hard to continue jogging. Jogging was all that I was really educated on. Some people can just exercise like it’s nothing. But there are people- like myself, who walk into a gym and have anxiety. We don’t know what in the world to do with any of that equipment in the gym, and there are folks thick as peanut butter in there bulked up and working the machines like it’s nothing. While they are pumping away, we head straight to the treadmill and hope that we can figure out how to turn it on. No lie!! Some of ya’ll know exactly what I am talking about. HAHAHA
My mind is continuously rolling. I overanalyze every. little. thing. And if you know me on a personal level, then you know that I try to find good in everything and every situation. Some days that is the HARDEST thing to do, and somedays or in certain situations I say, “I give up, because I can’t see any good.” But then God reminds that there is so much good in every little thing. It is part of my growth as a person to find it, and He always points me to it.
“Disgusting, huh???” I said to myself. “Yep!!” I replied as I was scrolling through Pinterest enviously glaring at these beautiful ladies who have the “perfect” body, and thinking to myself “you will NEVER have that!! It’s just not in cards for you- genetics, food preferences, lack of nutritional education and physical education on how to exercise what, when, and where- whatever the reason- “IT’s just NOT happening for you, sister!”
Following this conclusion of myself, I went deeper with it. I asked God to show me the good. As He began to remind me of my worth, I then started to look for all the good about my physical appearance. Instead of looking in the mirror and wondering how my arms could be more toned, my stomach flatter, and my #$&(‘s back in place. LOL I made it a point to try and find something that I did like, instead of all the things that I didn’t.
God made me in HIS image. Not anyone else’s. He made me perfectly, and how dare I question His masterpiece?!?!
I started to dig my arms that weren’t so toned, because they have held my babies, wrote love letters to my husband, nursed thousands of people, and hugged all the people I love a million times! How could I not dig that?
I started to dig my “giggly belly”. It has carried 3 precious babies. 2 I am blessed enough to have with me here, and one will be waiting on me as I enter the gates of heaven.❤ It has been a pillow, and it has bounced with laughter that has made memories that will last a lifetime. Digging that Disgusting!!
I started to dig my legs that carried me every place that I go. I am blessed to be able to walk as there are people whom I know that are no longer granted that privilege. Digging deeper!
I started to dig my #$%(‘s that weren’t quite the same after breastfeeding 2 babies, but then I felt an immense sense of pride and privilege from God that I was able to meet my babies’ nutritional needs. How beautiful is that?? I totally dig that!!
I started to dig my smile that brings “sunshine” to those that I encounter. As I am nicknamed by a hospital volunteer whom passes me daily… He never fails to tell me that my smile lights up those hallways. I remind him it’s not by my light, but by God’s! I REALLY dig that! 🙂
I started to dig my eyes that are able to see all the beauty that this life has to offer. I love that they can speak without ever opening my mouth. There’s nothing disgusting there!
After changing my thought process and continuing to try and grow nutritionally and physically, I was introduced by one of my high school best friends to FASTer Way To Fat Loss ®. I joined for her first round of a 6 week boot camp. Intermittent fasting, carb cycling, macro tracking, and extremely organized workouts were all very new to me – and quite overwhelming at first. I have to admit that I was a little skeptical thinking this program would be like others that I had tried along the way here and there that never really produced results. Regardless of my skepticism, I wanted to support one of my dearest friends in her newest endeavors.
We have just started our 5th out of the 6 week program. I have fallen in love with this program!!! I have literally watched my body transform before my eyes, and it has been the best decision that I have ever made for my health. With it being a comprehensive approach, it’s not just about losing weight and getting skinny. It’s about putting good in, so that good comes out. It is combining a sensible way to eat (not a diet or restricting calories or macros) combined with strategic workouts. With our crazy busy lives, our bodies struggle to keep up at times. I know mine sure has. Since starting this program, my mental clarity is the best it has been in years.
The workouts are so easy to follow that even an exercise ignorant person like myself has successfully completed every workout that has been set out before me. There are video links to demonstrate each move so there is no guess work. PTL!! The workouts are challenging, but definitely doable for a newbie that is intimidated by words like “burpee” and “Pile Squat Jumps”.
This post is not a promotional one for any certain program, it is all my personal experience and opinion. And while I truly believe that God has guided me through each phase- He wanted me to love me for me. Right where I was at and right where I am now. Exactly how I looked then and how I look right this minute. It was no coincidence that shortly after I started to “dig my disgustingness” that I then was introduce to a program where I actually started to see progress.
I know for a fact that beauty has absolutely- let me say that again ABSOLUTELY- nothing to do with physical appearance, beauty comes from the heart. But as we live in a time where physical appearance is hyper focused, it is hard to remember that the most beautiful trait you could ever have is your heart. A heart that loves yourself just the way you are so that you can love others just the way they are. A heart that wants good for others and yourself, a heart that is pure and loves all, and most important- a heart that is centered on God. Once you have that in check, all of the other things will fall into place, and He will remind you to “Dig your Disgustingness unless It Dazzles like a Diamond!”