As a woman, have you ever noticed how much time, thought, and effort we put into impressing other women??? YES!!! I didn’t stutter, and I said that just the way I meant for it to come out!! I am not asking this question in a homosexual sense, I am asking as a heterosexual woman to the next. Now, let me ask that again- “Have you ever noticed how much time, thought, and effort we women put in to impressing other women?”
Now, let that sink in while I make a few valid points…
In 1920, The Women’s Right to Vote was passed by Congress as the 19th Amendment granting women the right to vote and to be heard. But what exactly have we been saying since that moment in history?? No, this is NOT a political piece, nor is it a feminist piece- as I believe we all bring unique qualities and characteristics to the table. What I AM saying is a group of women banded together to be heard. They were passionate about what they were fighting for, and they fought hard for it. They supported each other and they rallied around one another, building each other up instead of tearing other women down, and they got great results. Even though it took close to a century, they got GREAT results~~!!
When I started FASTer Way to Fat Loss, I signed up to lose. I signed up to help a High School Best Friend succeed and exceed in what God had placed on her heart to do and to become. I signed up to lose!! And I signed up to lose FAST!!! I know I said that more than once, but I want to make sure you understand where my thoughts and expectations were. What I didn’t expect was the gains that I would obtain from one little click on my laptop that night to confirm my subscription for the next round of the FWTFL program.
First we will discuss my losses in this program. When I signed up, I was going to look like Amanda Tress in the first six weeks!!! Lord, yes!!! For those of you who may not know, Amanda Tress is the founder of the program FASTer Way to Fat Loss. After listening to several of her podcasts as a newbie, I learned that she started this program after about 10 years of research. Now, if you have a decent public school math education, then you probably have just done the math on this one. Amanda had been researching and gaining knowledge and experience from coaching clients in the gym (on the side- might I add, her full-time job was in marketing) and I was going to lose every inch of fat and tone it up right into shape in a short matter of 6 weeks…. Now, YES!! I have laughed at myself, so you may all laugh at me, because that is the way that works. You can only laugh at me AFTER I laugh at myself!!!
While I will say that my losses were pretty amazing, I didn’t quite make it Amanda Tress’s level- not YET at least. I am still working on that.
Gains- we can talk about my gains on the scale. THE scale is a LIAR!!! Once again, I will repeat this sentence because far too many of us women look for affirmation or confirmation of who we are and what we can do from a metal device that throws up a number that may or may not be correct. The scale can’t detect that you are an awesome mother or an incredible wife. It can’t detect your work ethic or you that made the top 10% of your corporate-wide company last year, and working on beating that stat this year. It can’t weigh how much love, compassion, and passion you have in your heart for others or the small acts of kindness that you display every day from those traits. But for some odd reason, it can dictate just how much worth you see in yourself if you let it. When you step on that scale, and the numbers don’t go as low as Susie’s, but you know you haven’t been consuming as many calories as Susie. You know this because you saw on her Instagram where she was eating a double cheeseburger- loaded with ALL the toppings, AND then she topped it off with an ice cream… Oh you have only eaten salads, carrots, and kale and why??? Just why?? Sound familiar??? STOP letting a small stupid device value your worth, because that’s certainly not where it’s at!!
I have been in the FWTFL program for 12 weeks and the scale has not moved!! Yes, you heard me correctly. I have been eating as clean as I possibly can, and sweating it up like Richard Simons to the Oldies- and nothing, not a slight movement of the ole needle has budged. We are taught in this program not to weigh and not to study the scale, because it will lie to you…. Truth is- there is more truth in this than I can ever begin to describe. I had been a calorie counter for years. I would eat 1000-1200 a day and on other certain days when I didn’t think any changes had been made, I would eat 143,019 calories, because I mean, what’s the use right? I wasn’t seeing any changes, and those women were still going to be ugly to me and they were still going to talk about me as soon as I turned my back, so why not feed the demon inside telling me, “you’re not good enough!!! You will NEVER be good enough!! You will NEVER look like those women on Pinterest or the ones on the cover of Sports Illustrated! ( I still know this is unobtainable, but it’s nice to dream, and this is my blog so you know?!) You will NEVER be as beautiful as the next! You will NEVER be as successful as she is!! You will NEVER!! You will NEVER!!!” You know the drill. If you are a woman within a slight yelling distance of my voice, then you know that I am preaching the gospel at this very moment, and you are “Amen-ing” me from the very seat you are sitting in reading this!
Side note- And quite honestly, if it hadn’t been for 2 doctors appointments during this time, I wouldn’t know what the scale said, because my battery ran out in mine at home (perfect timing after like 10 years) and I didn’t want to replace it. I wanted to try this way and just see what all the buzz was about.
We women compare ourselves to EVERY woman who remotely crosses our paths, and we believe the lies that society have fed to us for years.
Society tells us we will never be good enough. Whether it’s our physical appearance, our religious stance and daily living style, our martial status- society will “one up us” on everything. And the saddest part of it all is we have come to accept and even expect that. We prematurely assume what others- especially women- will judge us about before they ever even get the opportunity to do so. We’ve heard all of our friends do it, and heck, we are even guilty of it ourselves. So, before another women can hurt us with her words, we anticipate what they will say, we say it about ourselves and tear down any great part that may have stood tall about ourselves on the presence of someone else’s opinion. Now, if I am lying, I am dying, because ALL the women reading this just shook their heads and maybe even bowed their head or frowned their lips a little in their own disappointment in themselves. I know I sure have….
I got a little sidetracked there, now back to my gains. After finishing 2 rounds with FWTFL, it wasn’t about the losses. While I had made some losses and had a reduction in inches, that wasn’t where I found my truest treasure and what I held closest to my heart about what this program meant to me. My before and after pictures show slightly significant advances, but even with my body being closer to my goal, I was/am still self-conscious. After 12 weeks of learning whole foods nutrition and how to perform specific exercises on specific nutrition days to get the maximum results, I still am not quite where I want to be, and what if I post this picture and I am ridiculed for not being perfect? For not looking as good as all the hard work and effort that I know that I have put into my success? With all of those thoughts running through my mind, I hesitantly posted the first pic of myself in a bathing suit on social media today. As I pressed the “post” button my sphincter tightened a little. Okay!! Okay!!! It tightened a LOT!! I was SO nervous about what others would say. And by others, I am not talking about what men would say. I feel very confident in my marriage, and quite honestly the only male opinion that matters to me is Shawn’s. That wasn’t what I was worried about. I was worried about how many women would look at that pic and see all the flaws that I still see. All the little crevasses or creases that have yet to iron out with my all of efforts. Would they notice my scoliosis and how one side of my shoulders is always lower, therefore making my stomach totally off? And then to make matters even worse, it wasn’t just a pic by myself in a bathing suit, I was standing right next to a dime piece (whether you saw the pic of me beside Logan or the one of me beside Shawn- I consider them both dimes!)
After posting that bathing suit pic, I saw in my FWTFL secret group where some had been brave enough to post their before and after pics. In a group of all women- some of which this was their first round- with each post the comments that were posted under each pic or even just a non-scale victory was what was truly sensational. Every pic or non-scale victory had a community of similar minded women encouraging them and supporting them in all of their efforts. Women rallying around women!!!! Our own worst critics telling us just how great we all were and are doing!!! Pics that showed C-section scars from birthing our babies, diastasis recti from carrying our precious ones, uneven scoliosis shoulders, umbilical hernias, other abdominal scars, or whatever indifference that made each of us unique and not like the women of society that we compare ourselves to. And you know what?? They were all beautiful!! I saw them how Shawn sees me. Beautiful just the way I am- imperfectly perfect! They were all encouraged to continue to live this healthy lifestyle, not because any of us will make it to the cover of Sports Illistrated (okay, I’ve come to terms), but because we want to live a better life for our families, and we want to feel better about ourselves, and we want to look as good as we feel.
This rallying hadn’t just started as it has been going on since the very first day I started, but today it struck a nerve so deep that I couldn’t resist to write what was laid so heavily on my heart. When those comments started to be posted, I saw mountains move. Not just in my life, but in those that are so close to me – those I didn’t even really know that they had mountains that stood that tall or that firmly in their way of being their best selves! With each comment, I saw understanding and grace by the hardest group to win over in my mind- women! And with confirmation, came more and more confidence- the one thing most of us women lack the most!! And not just confidence in ourselves, but confidence from those who are our worst critics.
If I had to write this blog about what Shawn or other men thought about me or any other women for that matter, it would be a short, case-closed blog. We are all beautiful!! And while some of them have their specific attractions, most men are tickled to death with their wives. They don’t see the imperfections that we see, and quite honestly, even when we point them out to them- SPOILER ALERT!! they STILL don’t see them!!! BAM! Win, Win for us!!
What we women don’t understand is, we are our own worst enemy. We are to ourselves and to other women around us. We tear down other women before we even give them the opportunity to get started. We judge them before we ever stop to try andunderstand. We criticize what they are doing because we are too scared to even attempt what they are doing, because we may fail. We women are our own worst enemy!!!!!
But isn’t it time that we STOP that?? Isn’t it time that we women encourage other women on their unique journey? That we give them the support to do the things that God has set out before them to, and have faith that He will provide a dream just as big for us? Isn’t time that we quit judging them and just try to understand or love them right where they are?? EXACTLY how they are???
Just close your eyes (Okay!! you can’t continue reading this sentence, so close them after you complete it) and picture a world where women truly and I do mean TRULY built up other women. A world where women rallied around each other to encourage their strengths and where they quieted every insecurity so that it was almost non-existent? If my FWTFL group could do this with 40 strangers who very few had ever laid eyes on one another, then I believe the rest of us women can do it as well in our every day life.
Starting tomorrow, see just how many women you can encourage. Don’t judge them, don’t laugh at them, don’t criticize them, and don’t discourage them because you’d be too scared to do the same- LOVE them, support them, teach them, rally around them and just see what a difference that one day makes.
The women who paved the way for us so many years ago to have a voice to vote would probably be a little disappointed to see that instead of using our voices to make a positive difference in this world we use it more to tear down the ones who struggle with the exact same things that we do. Isn’t it time we made those ancestral women proud of us women today?