I think we all go through experiences in life where we ask the infamous question, “WHY ME??”.
From the time I was a young girl, I can remember asking the question “Why me?” “God, WHY does my hair have to be red, and WHY do these kids have to pick on me about it?” “WHY do I have to be called chubby?” “WHY are my parents divorced?” “WHY can’t I dress like her?” “WHY, WHY, WHY….”
You know what I am talking about. I don’t think that a single person can say that they have never asked ourselves or God “WHY???”
As I grew older a more mature, the “Why” questions changed a little. They were more about deeper subjects and meanings. “Why didn’t I go on to college after high school?” “Why couldn’t I have a career like they do at a certain age?” “Why did life turn out this way, and not that way…” “Why does that relationship have to be so hard?”
A few years later my “Why” questions shifted once more. With some health issues and a premature baby, it was hard not to ask- “Why me?” Why Her?” “Why us?”
A couple of weeks before my brain surgery, I walked into the Gift Shop at work and picked up the book “Jesus Calling” and turned to several pages that were pertinent dates of the days to come and the days that had just passed with heavy-hearted decisions made. As I turned to page 279-
“Live First and Foremost in my Presence. Gradually you will become aware of Me than of people and places around you. This awareness will detract from your relationships with others. Instead, it will increase your ability to give love and encouragement to them. My peace will permeate words and demeanor. You will be active in the world, yet one step removed from it. You will not be easily shaken, because My enveloping Presence buffers the blow of problems.
This is the path I have set before you. As you follow it wholeheartedly, you experience abundant life and peace.”
WOW!!! So there was my answer to my “WHY?” This is the path that HE had set out before me. As surgery creeped closer, I tried to remember this. I also learned at this point in my life to praise God for all He had done and all that He was going to do. I shifted my thoughts and heart from “UGH!! Why me??” to “Okay, God if this is for YOUR glory, WHY NOT me??”
As scared as a person can be and still stand firmly in faith- that is where I was going into that surgery. Surgery was a complete success, and my testimony was stirring inside of me the days after. “Why did He choose to save me, and to heal me, and Why did He call me to tell about it?”
Driving to the church on that Sunday to give my testimony, I can distinctly remember thinking, “Why me?? I am not good enough to stand in that pulpit and talk about how good God has been to me and my family.”
With each day that passes, my appreciation and gratitude for God and this life that He has blessed me with, has grown to overwhelming heights and depths. Almost 5 years ago I was asking “Why do I have to go through brain surgery?? I have already gone through an awful pregnancy with preeclampsia, HELLP syndrome, had a premature child- who had to have surgery and aspirated… WHY ME GOD?? I just want to be a good wife, raise my girls, and live!”
Today, my “WHY” has shifted drastically. As I begin to pray every day, I start with all the things that I have in this life to be grateful for, and by the time I get to my problems- they just don’t seem as big as what I thought they were before I began my prayer.
I have watched God move so much over the past 5 years in my life, it is a little unbelievable and unimaginable at times. He has restored broken relationships and placed each broken piece back so precisely that the light that shines through now makes the memory of what shown through before only look like a tiny glimmer. I have witnessed Him break the bondage of drug addiction and restore a broken boy back into a man. I have watched as He has used me everyday in my job and my personal life speak life and encouragement to others. Not because I am perfect or that I am good, but because HE is. He has crossed my path with some pretty amazing people. Perfect people- nope! Amazing people- by every sense of the word- YES!
So now, at this point in my life- as the pieces have slowly fell into place, and for once in my life, I am not fighting against the current. I humbly ask, “Why ME?” “Why do you show me favor?” “Why did you give me this beautiful red hair that I used to hate so much?” ?“What did I ever do deserve this life?”
I think for whatever season of your life you are in at this moment, you can ask “Why me?” Whether things are bad, and you are trying to fight to just stay above water to get a small gasp of air before the waters take you back under again; Or you are at a place where the waters are calm and you are floating along with the sunlight hitting your face- it is hard not to ask “Why me?” Either way we feel like it’s not fair or too much favor is being shown to us. Or at least that’s how I have felt in times past.
I say all of that to say this- sometimes it just as hard to understand God’s favor on your life as it is to understand the trials that He walks beside you in. But this is what I know- this is the path that God has chosen for me or for you. Will the waters get rough again at some point- YES! Will I question bad luck or bad health or sadness, or even “why me?” I am sure- that is life. But will I bask in His glory and will I walk in His favor? Most definitely!! I will follow Him, and I will be grateful for every step of the way. For it is in my weaknesses that He is made strong. And in His favor, I will continue to be in awe and I will stay humble, because it is only through Him that I am who I am.
<3 <3 <3