If you know me, you know that I’m not like most teenagers. Not saying I’m special or more than most. I’m simply different.
It started in 2007. My Mama and Daddy were in the hospital two months before they were told or supposed to be. My mom was pregnant with me. My mom had many problems but that was her fight and her story to tell. I can’t exactly empathize with something I didn’t experience and neither can others empathize with me.
My point is I was born two months before I was due. I wasn’t finished developing which caused me to walk on my tippy toes once I started to walk. I had surgery when I was 4 to prevent me from walking on my tippy toes. I don’t really remember much about this experience except after the surgery I had to totally re-learn how to walk.
I remember vaguely of this one night my parents testing my balance and working with me on walking. Let’s just say I did not like this. I threw a fit, and I could see the frustration in my daddy’s eyes. I always thought of it as meanness until now. I know that he was frustrated at me for not trying but it also hurt him to see the state I was in. That’s all I remember.
After surgery my achilles ruptured which put me back into another cast. Once everything was said and done I healed well. There was one thing though, whenever I walked my feet pointed inward instead of straight.
We went to see the doctor about it but I wasn’t too worried about fixing it at the time. So we went on with our lives.
It wasn’t until a couple of months ago that I acknowledged this trait again. I simply thought I had grown out it until my mom showed me a video that she had taken of me and some family friends walking. I noticed the way I walked and that nothing had changed since that 4 year old little girl learned how to re- walk.
I began to feel frustrated that it was still there. As time went on this slowly began to become one of my biggest insecurities. I would always make remarks like, “I hate the way I walk,” or “I walk like a SpEd chicken.” When I would walk I would strain to walk straight, but watch as I progressed, my walking veering out of line once again.
Let’s talk about middle school for a second. All teenagers in middle school are trying to be the coolest, prettiest, and whatever else. It’s always a contest in everything you do.
That’s common nature but in middle school, the most petty things are a competition. The ones who have friends and look halfway decent think they’re the coolest.
Oh and middle school relationships, don’t know whether to laugh or cry at them. A boyfriend would be nice but waiting for boys to mature and treat a girl right seems like a process that will never end.
Maturity, something middle schoolers lack by a lot. Even though teenagers minds are still developing you can at least have some decency when it comes to others.
Anyways back on track. My self- confidence began to drain. I began to think about my way of walking everyday.
I began to blame God, I would ask him, “Why did you make me such a freak?”
After thinking about treatment to get me walking back straight, doing research and other things, I didn’t think it was worth it. I slowly began to realize the meaning behind how I walk.
It’s something that is special about me, something that roots down all the way to when I was born. God didn’t place this in my life to make me insecure, he placed it into my life to represent a big part of my life. A big part of my parent’s life. I now see my walking as a scar.
I’m proud of my scar, if it weren’t there, there would be no story to tell and that’s pretty boring isn’t it? 🙂